Well.. as the title states... its Vday again... its been 4 yrs since everything ended and everything seems like it just happened yesterday. Its one of those days that i hated to leave the comfort of my house. But due to toopid assignments, i have to drag myself to national library in the morning.
Reach nlb at 11.30am and went for lunch with ah tan at the usual "ba cho mee" stall. Though im kinda depress since waking up but think i manage to keep a happy face throughout. A lot of stuff happend these 1 or 2 weeks and i think im making a mess out of my life. Im starting to feel confused and duno what i wanted in my life. Stuff flashes through my mind even when i started to do my assignment at lvl 8 of nlb. I tot i have threw my past away but for the whole afternoon it just come back n back. Stuff of how we celebrated all our previous Vdays flashes again n again... the presents she bought for me flashes again n again... the words of how much she loved me keep repeating itself... i hated every moment it... i wanted to concentrate on my assignment... dammed fed up with myself.. hated myself as im putting on smiling face in front of my friends. Really wish theres someone i can talk to but i cant think of anyone tat will understand my suituation. Most people when u talk to them abt these kinda stuff, thier answers more or less are these few lines... " dun think too much abt it"... "cheer up"... "get over it... been over 4 yrs"... bla bla bla...
I have told myself i need to move on and i thought i have done it since january 2008 but after today i think apparently im still kinda locked with my past in some way or other. Friends have told me that time will heal everything and i agreed to a certain extend as feelings for her had died down completely. But though feelings are gone memories remains... and these are the irritating memories that will come and haunt you on these kinda of special days. People i have talk to abt this may think its just me tat refuse to let everything go and trying to find a resonable excuse to lie my way through everything and im starting to feel that they might be true abt it.
Im feeling so confused nowadays... a lot of other stuff that contribute to this but i shall not mention them here in case people i knoe happen to read this post... i'm really feeling very tired abt everything... like everything dont seems to go the right way for me... im tired of playing guessing games. I want to knoe the answer im wanting to knoe all along... but i guess tats not gonna happen..
Nothing good ever comes to my life....
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