Year 2010

To whoever that who have been reading my Blog (I think there shouldn’t be any), I have decided to Blog again.

Shall make it an effort to at least Blog once a week rather than a yearly thing. Sometimes it’s just really hard to find someone to talk about stuff that is troubling you and even if you do, most of them can’t give you the advice you wanted to hear. So here I am blogging once more to type out what’s on my mind before I go crazy from all the things that I have bottle up inside me.



Time really flies, year 2009 ended so fast in a blink of an eye. It’s a year where I begin my next stage in life, “Working Life”. Yes, I had graduated from SIM with my lousy degree during June. It’s really a bad time for graduation as that period was still kind of the peak of the economic crisis. Like any other fresh grads, I send resumes, went for interviews and this is where I notice that most big companies kind of discriminate graduates from SIM. Positions were often given to local U graduates first before flowing down to us. Don’t really know why the culture here behaves that way. Shouldn’t all graduates be treated with equality? Anyway it took me about 2 months to secure a job in a financial institution. Though it’s just a contract job, considering the economic crisis during that time, I’m considered one of the lucky ones. So started work in late July, and slog my life away day in day out at the expense of my social life. Ever since I started work, I haven’t really been hanging out with my friends regularly as before as I have to work very irregular hours. If any of my friends happen to see this post, sorry about it ya… J



Moving on, the culture of the company I’m working for doesn’t seem so bad. I have great colleagues (TGIF gang) and of course not forgetting my batch FGIP guys and ladies. Without them, I think couldn’t have endured the job till now. Well, work has more or less stabilized now as I had more or less learnt what is required of me to do my job not efficiently but at least reasonably well. As I have mentioned earlier, I have very irregular working hours, thus at times I have to go home late. Walking home from the interchange had been a norm for me nowadays. Though the walking journey is about 6 bus stops but walking home have its own benefits (at least for me). With the cooling night wind blowing at you, it sort of helps make your mind refresh and I get to think things more clearly. Not that I have a lot of things running through my mind. As what my colleagues tell me, guys problems always revolve around a few stuff, “career” , “money” or ”women”. Being a guy myself, I kind of agree to a certain extend about that comment. As said earlier, I have stuff to think about, and sadly to say, my problem belong to the last of the three mentioned. I find that girls are really hard to understand. Being with the girl you are interested in can sometimes be like monitoring the stock market. The way they treat you fluctuates as time goes by. They can treat you very good at this very moment which gives you the mentally that both of you are one step to being closer to each other. On the other hand, just when you have that moment of thought, they can reverse the process and treat you very coldly or at least I think so at that point of time. Sometimes it’s really frustrating when this happens cause it makes me think what is wrong or what have I done wrong again. Just when I am feeling demoralize and unsure of what is happening, the situation will reverse once more. This has been happening for almost 2 months now and I think I have kind of gotten used to it. Recently I have been thinking of whether or not to use the most direct method and just tell that someone everything rather than dropping tiny, small, medium, large, extra large hints (since they are not really helping). Maybe by doing that, I can get a definite reply without having that “someone” avoiding talking about it. I did talk to a few of my close friends about it, advice given varies from go ahead and do it rather than playing a guessing game to the opposite of it of don’t do it if the time is not ripe as you will screw your chances or even scare the person off. I wouldn’t say the advices were wrong. On the other hand, I think all of them make sense to me in one way or another. I’m now at a lost of what I should do. I know there’s only so much my friends can help and advice. What to do next is really up to me and no one but myself can make the final decision. Yet, knowing this, I’m hesitating and I do not know why. Every time when I’m determined to talk about it, somehow or rather, things will happen and will end up ending the day with nothing said. Ok, maybe I’m just finding excuses for myself as maybe I could have done it if I really want to. Or maybe I’m afraid to know the outcome for fear that the answer is not what I want to hear. Thoughts like these keep flashing across my mind and it’s quite disturbing as it’s affecting my mood and causing late nights. Ya… those reading this will probably say what some of my close friends said, “I think too much and I am complicating things to make myself miserable”. Well, all I can say is that I know I am and I’m trying hard to think of things in a simpler way or not thinking of it at all.



And before I forget, happy birthday to myself!!

This year birthday was one that is very “memorable” for me. Memorable in a bad way that is. It was suppose to be a happy day since its birthday but it was a day that I feel I’m damned stupid, dumb, like a clown, utterly disappointed, wishing there is a hole near me so I can bury my head in it. Though I must still thank all those that send me their wishes and also my secondary school friends that celebrated with me. A really big thanks to you all. J



Alright, I shall sign off this post for now. Need to take a break from everything.