To whoever that who have been reading my Blog (I think there shouldn’t be any), I have decided to Blog again.
Shall make it an effort to at least Blog once a week rather than a yearly thing. Sometimes it’s just really hard to find someone to talk about stuff that is troubling you and even if you do, most of them can’t give you the advice you wanted to hear. So here I am blogging once more to type out what’s on my mind before I go crazy from all the things that I have bottle up inside me.
Time really flies, year 2009 ended so fast in a blink of an eye. It’s a year where I begin my next stage in life, “Working Life”. Yes, I had graduated from SIM with my lousy degree during June. It’s really a bad time for graduation as that period was still kind of the peak of the economic crisis. Like any other fresh grads, I send resumes, went for interviews and this is where I notice that most big companies kind of discriminate graduates from SIM. Positions were often given to local U graduates first before flowing down to us. Don’t really know why the culture here behaves that way. Shouldn’t all graduates be treated with equality? Anyway it took me about 2 months to secure a job in a financial institution. Though it’s just a contract job, considering the economic crisis during that time, I’m considered one of the lucky ones. So started work in late July, and slog my life away day in day out at the expense of my social life. Ever since I started work, I haven’t really been hanging out with my friends regularly as before as I have to work very irregular hours. If any of my friends happen to see this post, sorry about it ya… J
Moving on, the culture of the company I’m working for doesn’t seem so bad. I have great colleagues (TGIF gang) and of course not forgetting my batch FGIP guys and ladies. Without them, I think couldn’t have endured the job till now. Well, work has more or less stabilized now as I had more or less learnt what is required of me to do my job not efficiently but at least reasonably well. As I have mentioned earlier, I have very irregular working hours, thus at times I have to go home late. Walking home from the interchange had been a norm for me nowadays. Though the walking journey is about 6 bus stops but walking home have its own benefits (at least for me). With the cooling night wind blowing at you, it sort of helps make your mind refresh and I get to think things more clearly. Not that I have a lot of things running through my mind. As what my colleagues tell me, guys problems always revolve around a few stuff, “career” , “money” or ”women”. Being a guy myself, I kind of agree to a certain extend about that comment. As said earlier, I have stuff to think about, and sadly to say, my problem belong to the last of the three mentioned. I find that girls are really hard to understand. Being with the girl you are interested in can sometimes be like monitoring the stock market. The way they treat you fluctuates as time goes by. They can treat you very good at this very moment which gives you the mentally that both of you are one step to being closer to each other. On the other hand, just when you have that moment of thought, they can reverse the process and treat you very coldly or at least I think so at that point of time. Sometimes it’s really frustrating when this happens cause it makes me think what is wrong or what have I done wrong again. Just when I am feeling demoralize and unsure of what is happening, the situation will reverse once more. This has been happening for almost 2 months now and I think I have kind of gotten used to it. Recently I have been thinking of whether or not to use the most direct method and just tell that someone everything rather than dropping tiny, small, medium, large, extra large hints (since they are not really helping). Maybe by doing that, I can get a definite reply without having that “someone” avoiding talking about it. I did talk to a few of my close friends about it, advice given varies from go ahead and do it rather than playing a guessing game to the opposite of it of don’t do it if the time is not ripe as you will screw your chances or even scare the person off. I wouldn’t say the advices were wrong. On the other hand, I think all of them make sense to me in one way or another. I’m now at a lost of what I should do. I know there’s only so much my friends can help and advice. What to do next is really up to me and no one but myself can make the final decision. Yet, knowing this, I’m hesitating and I do not know why. Every time when I’m determined to talk about it, somehow or rather, things will happen and will end up ending the day with nothing said. Ok, maybe I’m just finding excuses for myself as maybe I could have done it if I really want to. Or maybe I’m afraid to know the outcome for fear that the answer is not what I want to hear. Thoughts like these keep flashing across my mind and it’s quite disturbing as it’s affecting my mood and causing late nights. Ya… those reading this will probably say what some of my close friends said, “I think too much and I am complicating things to make myself miserable”. Well, all I can say is that I know I am and I’m trying hard to think of things in a simpler way or not thinking of it at all.
And before I forget, happy birthday to myself!!
This year birthday was one that is very “memorable” for me. Memorable in a bad way that is. It was suppose to be a happy day since its birthday but it was a day that I feel I’m damned stupid, dumb, like a clown, utterly disappointed, wishing there is a hole near me so I can bury my head in it. Though I must still thank all those that send me their wishes and also my secondary school friends that celebrated with me. A really big thanks to you all. J
Alright, I shall sign off this post for now. Need to take a break from everything.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Blog's Alive
Well... been real long since i last updated this blog of mine. Think i will write stuff here on and off to keep it alive though this is not my main blog anymore.
Alright... for some recent updates... Havent been a smooth month for me. Firstly, my whole bag was stolen together with my wallet, my ID, my cards, my Hp, IPod while i was running at SP. Didnt knoe who took it and didnt have any hopes that the police will be able to recover any of my stuff back (though i was hoping the one who stole it can at least mail me my ID card but its been almost three wks... sigh). After the stealing incident, i burn a hole in my wallet by getting myself a Samung Omina. My suayness strikes again... 2nd day after i bought the hp, my charger was stolen. Duno how, why it happen... im too depress to even go think abt it.
Been trying to convince myself again and again to think on the better side. Though i should be sad that i lost all my telephone contacts but then apparently im not... maybe its because someone number was gone together with it... maybe its a sign for me to cut off all emotional ties with that someone...... but.... its just my wishful thinking... i left out the fact that tat someone will still be able to contact me and yes... the msg came ytd and duno y it causes me a slight discomfort till now... so here i am blogging abt it cause i need to get this out of my chest coz i cant seem to find someone i feel comfortable to talk to... i dun wish people opinons... i just need a listening ear but i guess its kinda hard to find someone who just listen to all my crap and dun reply...
Sigh... if only i could get rid of the past memories... if only....
Alright... for some recent updates... Havent been a smooth month for me. Firstly, my whole bag was stolen together with my wallet, my ID, my cards, my Hp, IPod while i was running at SP. Didnt knoe who took it and didnt have any hopes that the police will be able to recover any of my stuff back (though i was hoping the one who stole it can at least mail me my ID card but its been almost three wks... sigh). After the stealing incident, i burn a hole in my wallet by getting myself a Samung Omina. My suayness strikes again... 2nd day after i bought the hp, my charger was stolen. Duno how, why it happen... im too depress to even go think abt it.
Been trying to convince myself again and again to think on the better side. Though i should be sad that i lost all my telephone contacts but then apparently im not... maybe its because someone number was gone together with it... maybe its a sign for me to cut off all emotional ties with that someone...... but.... its just my wishful thinking... i left out the fact that tat someone will still be able to contact me and yes... the msg came ytd and duno y it causes me a slight discomfort till now... so here i am blogging abt it cause i need to get this out of my chest coz i cant seem to find someone i feel comfortable to talk to... i dun wish people opinons... i just need a listening ear but i guess its kinda hard to find someone who just listen to all my crap and dun reply...
Sigh... if only i could get rid of the past memories... if only....
Friday, February 15, 2008
Happy Valentines Day
Well.. as the title states... its Vday again... its been 4 yrs since everything ended and everything seems like it just happened yesterday. Its one of those days that i hated to leave the comfort of my house. But due to toopid assignments, i have to drag myself to national library in the morning.
Reach nlb at 11.30am and went for lunch with ah tan at the usual "ba cho mee" stall. Though im kinda depress since waking up but think i manage to keep a happy face throughout. A lot of stuff happend these 1 or 2 weeks and i think im making a mess out of my life. Im starting to feel confused and duno what i wanted in my life. Stuff flashes through my mind even when i started to do my assignment at lvl 8 of nlb. I tot i have threw my past away but for the whole afternoon it just come back n back. Stuff of how we celebrated all our previous Vdays flashes again n again... the presents she bought for me flashes again n again... the words of how much she loved me keep repeating itself... i hated every moment it... i wanted to concentrate on my assignment... dammed fed up with myself.. hated myself as im putting on smiling face in front of my friends. Really wish theres someone i can talk to but i cant think of anyone tat will understand my suituation. Most people when u talk to them abt these kinda stuff, thier answers more or less are these few lines... " dun think too much abt it"... "cheer up"... "get over it... been over 4 yrs"... bla bla bla...
I have told myself i need to move on and i thought i have done it since january 2008 but after today i think apparently im still kinda locked with my past in some way or other. Friends have told me that time will heal everything and i agreed to a certain extend as feelings for her had died down completely. But though feelings are gone memories remains... and these are the irritating memories that will come and haunt you on these kinda of special days. People i have talk to abt this may think its just me tat refuse to let everything go and trying to find a resonable excuse to lie my way through everything and im starting to feel that they might be true abt it.
Im feeling so confused nowadays... a lot of other stuff that contribute to this but i shall not mention them here in case people i knoe happen to read this post... i'm really feeling very tired abt everything... like everything dont seems to go the right way for me... im tired of playing guessing games. I want to knoe the answer im wanting to knoe all along... but i guess tats not gonna happen..
Nothing good ever comes to my life....
Reach nlb at 11.30am and went for lunch with ah tan at the usual "ba cho mee" stall. Though im kinda depress since waking up but think i manage to keep a happy face throughout. A lot of stuff happend these 1 or 2 weeks and i think im making a mess out of my life. Im starting to feel confused and duno what i wanted in my life. Stuff flashes through my mind even when i started to do my assignment at lvl 8 of nlb. I tot i have threw my past away but for the whole afternoon it just come back n back. Stuff of how we celebrated all our previous Vdays flashes again n again... the presents she bought for me flashes again n again... the words of how much she loved me keep repeating itself... i hated every moment it... i wanted to concentrate on my assignment... dammed fed up with myself.. hated myself as im putting on smiling face in front of my friends. Really wish theres someone i can talk to but i cant think of anyone tat will understand my suituation. Most people when u talk to them abt these kinda stuff, thier answers more or less are these few lines... " dun think too much abt it"... "cheer up"... "get over it... been over 4 yrs"... bla bla bla...
I have told myself i need to move on and i thought i have done it since january 2008 but after today i think apparently im still kinda locked with my past in some way or other. Friends have told me that time will heal everything and i agreed to a certain extend as feelings for her had died down completely. But though feelings are gone memories remains... and these are the irritating memories that will come and haunt you on these kinda of special days. People i have talk to abt this may think its just me tat refuse to let everything go and trying to find a resonable excuse to lie my way through everything and im starting to feel that they might be true abt it.
Im feeling so confused nowadays... a lot of other stuff that contribute to this but i shall not mention them here in case people i knoe happen to read this post... i'm really feeling very tired abt everything... like everything dont seems to go the right way for me... im tired of playing guessing games. I want to knoe the answer im wanting to knoe all along... but i guess tats not gonna happen..
Nothing good ever comes to my life....
Friday, January 18, 2008
Mini holiday and a contridicting me
Been almost 2 weeks since i login to keep track of whats happening in my life. 2 reasons for not logining in.
1) I dun understand y i cant login when im at home... therefore i cant blog when im sitting comfortablably on my bed with my lappy in front of me
2) Kinda busy in office these days... as i could blog when im in office whenever i have the time to spare
Right, quite a lot of stuff happened these 1 and half weeks. As what the title of this post states, im kinda having a mini holiday rite now as i have no classes till next monday. Though my OG mates and me have been exercising a bit these 1 week plus, but i think its not enough. Day by day i see my tummy grow n grow... feel a bit disgusted by it. As much as i want to get rid of it, im simply lazy to exercise, meaning if no one ask me to exercise most likely i will just do nothing. I think im contridicting myself again....
Arghh... sometimes i really feel like im not myself. In front of my friends i may look like im a happy chap or doing crazy stuff but thats not me. I mean im actually a quiet person that like to keep all unhappy stuff to myself, though i doubt anyone who knoes me will agree with what i just typed out (but its true). I like friends around me to be happy, maybe thats the reason i may tend to do stuff to make that possible. Anything im not happy with, be it towards friens or school work, i wont tell anyone but buried everything deep inside me (Hmm... though i do voice out at times). Again, i think im contridicting myself.. sigh. Dun wanna tell people but still will tell them at times. Think im totally a screwed up person that dont even knoe what i want.
Well... time to work again...
1) I dun understand y i cant login when im at home... therefore i cant blog when im sitting comfortablably on my bed with my lappy in front of me
2) Kinda busy in office these days... as i could blog when im in office whenever i have the time to spare
Right, quite a lot of stuff happened these 1 and half weeks. As what the title of this post states, im kinda having a mini holiday rite now as i have no classes till next monday. Though my OG mates and me have been exercising a bit these 1 week plus, but i think its not enough. Day by day i see my tummy grow n grow... feel a bit disgusted by it. As much as i want to get rid of it, im simply lazy to exercise, meaning if no one ask me to exercise most likely i will just do nothing. I think im contridicting myself again....
Arghh... sometimes i really feel like im not myself. In front of my friends i may look like im a happy chap or doing crazy stuff but thats not me. I mean im actually a quiet person that like to keep all unhappy stuff to myself, though i doubt anyone who knoes me will agree with what i just typed out (but its true). I like friends around me to be happy, maybe thats the reason i may tend to do stuff to make that possible. Anything im not happy with, be it towards friens or school work, i wont tell anyone but buried everything deep inside me (Hmm... though i do voice out at times). Again, i think im contridicting myself.. sigh. Dun wanna tell people but still will tell them at times. Think im totally a screwed up person that dont even knoe what i want.
Well... time to work again...
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
New Semester have started
My long awaited day finally arrived yesterday as its the first day of school. This whole holiday seems like a long one for me, doing nothing but routine stuff day in day out. Been feeling very aimless for the last 3 weeks, duno why, just have a feeling that i have nothing to look forward to everyday.
Well, woke up quite early yesterday and left for school. Though i told myself its a new year and i shouldnt be late anymore, im LATE again. (Think im not determined enough). Boarded bus 154 and keep blaming myself for leaving my house so late. But kinda feel glad that i saw cherie and jy boarded the same bus as me on the next bus stop, makes me feel a bit better than theres people who are late also ( Err.. if cherie n jy see this dun mistaken ah... i dun mean it in a bad way). Anyway, all of us decide to crash the morning lecture, though we belong to the afternoon lecture students. We knew crashing morning lecture is gonna be packed but what we saw in the lecture hall was crazy. It was so packed that we had to go to the classroom next to the lecture hall and take chairs and sit beside the lecture hall door (Kinda pathetic thinking about it now). But cant complain much since i'm late as always.
First lecture of the semester was OT. The overseas lecturer was ok but i think she took too long (1 hr plus) to explain to us the course guide. I get to see our local lecturer that day too. Hmm.. lets just call him Mr S, and my first impression about him was nowhere near good. I find that the way he speaks is kinda sacrastic. Hopfully hes not like that when he teaches our lectures 3 weeks later.
Think i should stop myself from complaining too much else this blog will be full of complains and nothing else. Shall stop here for now, not really in the mood for blogging today.
Well, woke up quite early yesterday and left for school. Though i told myself its a new year and i shouldnt be late anymore, im LATE again. (Think im not determined enough). Boarded bus 154 and keep blaming myself for leaving my house so late. But kinda feel glad that i saw cherie and jy boarded the same bus as me on the next bus stop, makes me feel a bit better than theres people who are late also ( Err.. if cherie n jy see this dun mistaken ah... i dun mean it in a bad way). Anyway, all of us decide to crash the morning lecture, though we belong to the afternoon lecture students. We knew crashing morning lecture is gonna be packed but what we saw in the lecture hall was crazy. It was so packed that we had to go to the classroom next to the lecture hall and take chairs and sit beside the lecture hall door (Kinda pathetic thinking about it now). But cant complain much since i'm late as always.
First lecture of the semester was OT. The overseas lecturer was ok but i think she took too long (1 hr plus) to explain to us the course guide. I get to see our local lecturer that day too. Hmm.. lets just call him Mr S, and my first impression about him was nowhere near good. I find that the way he speaks is kinda sacrastic. Hopfully hes not like that when he teaches our lectures 3 weeks later.
Think i should stop myself from complaining too much else this blog will be full of complains and nothing else. Shall stop here for now, not really in the mood for blogging today.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Money Management
As usual, i dragged myself out of bed in what you could call a cloudy morning to go work. Putting that aside, theres something im looking forward to today, which is opening new bank account. I have decided to have better money mangement this year. By opening this new account, i hope that i could achieve this goal. (Just making a note here, i dun really have much money management all these years)
Oh ya, the bank that i chose to put my spare cash in is Standard Charted Bank. Their interest win the rest of the banks in SG hands down with an interest rate of 1.6% p.a and if you deposit cash into the account between january and march this year you will get a high interest of 2.3%!! which i think is a lot compared to other banks. Anyone who happens to read this could go open an account there as i personally think its good (P.s I'm not trying to promote the bank).
Though its just opening of an new bank account, somehow or rather i'm quite excited about it (kinda funny when thinking back now). Was hoping lunch break arrive sooner when i'm doing my routine testing of muvee autoProducer software. At 12.15pm, i rushed to the bank branch located at Selegie to be one of the first of the lunch break crowd going to bank to do personal transactions. Well, 3 little surprises awaits me there.
1st surprise: The bank is NOT crowded. When i saw that, i was telling myself how lucky i am to arrive at a branch that's not crowded. Entered the door, at the que counter a female staff of the bank welcomed me with a bright smile and offered her assistance to me. Oh man, that smile and politeness really brighten your day (though its already noon). But that was short lived.
2nd surprise: Got my que number and i glanced at the que board. Good, 2 more people before my turn. Make myself comfortable on the spacious sofa and waited... and waited... and waited... AND WAITED.... a total of 35mins.... and theres 9 counters there. I couldnt believe it.. how slow the staff take to process things there... i mean if im not rushing for time there n then i wouldnt have make such a big fuss over it but i got limited lunch break time to bank my money and have my lunch. While sitting there, i keep thinking of the reason why its so slow, maybe the person in front of me is investing big amount of cash etc... (im just finding excuses to make me feel better)...
then came the 3rd surprise....
3rd surprise: Finally my turn came at long last, went into one of the counters and sat down. The same female staff that greeted me sat down and process my application. I was thinking finally i can get it over with and have my lunch (all the excitment i had in the morning was long gone). While she was processing my application, i noticed that she didnt knoe what to do with the computer, like what to key in n stuff. From that, i guessed that shes new to this job. She took my IC and trial and error on the system. What surprise me most is that her collegues were free and around her but none came up to offer help. (She didnt ask for their help though) Normally, opening an account will take probably 15mins at most but it took me more than 2 times the time needed. I just dun understand why no one came to help, i mean they are collegues rite? arent collegues suppose to help each other when they knoe shes in difficulty?
Anyway, though it took me 1 and a half hours to complete the whole new account thing, i'm kinda satisfied with the customer service i got from the female staff that greeted me and process my application ( Not because shes pretty.... coz i can see shes trying hard to do things rite)
I knoe... i knoe... i'm contradicting myself in this entire post but thats just how i feel of this whole "event" that happen to me today. And i think most people out there contradict themselves at times too... its just part and parcel of being a human being living on planet earth.
Oh ya, the bank that i chose to put my spare cash in is Standard Charted Bank. Their interest win the rest of the banks in SG hands down with an interest rate of 1.6% p.a and if you deposit cash into the account between january and march this year you will get a high interest of 2.3%!! which i think is a lot compared to other banks. Anyone who happens to read this could go open an account there as i personally think its good (P.s I'm not trying to promote the bank).
Though its just opening of an new bank account, somehow or rather i'm quite excited about it (kinda funny when thinking back now). Was hoping lunch break arrive sooner when i'm doing my routine testing of muvee autoProducer software. At 12.15pm, i rushed to the bank branch located at Selegie to be one of the first of the lunch break crowd going to bank to do personal transactions. Well, 3 little surprises awaits me there.
1st surprise: The bank is NOT crowded. When i saw that, i was telling myself how lucky i am to arrive at a branch that's not crowded. Entered the door, at the que counter a female staff of the bank welcomed me with a bright smile and offered her assistance to me. Oh man, that smile and politeness really brighten your day (though its already noon). But that was short lived.
2nd surprise: Got my que number and i glanced at the que board. Good, 2 more people before my turn. Make myself comfortable on the spacious sofa and waited... and waited... and waited... AND WAITED.... a total of 35mins.... and theres 9 counters there. I couldnt believe it.. how slow the staff take to process things there... i mean if im not rushing for time there n then i wouldnt have make such a big fuss over it but i got limited lunch break time to bank my money and have my lunch. While sitting there, i keep thinking of the reason why its so slow, maybe the person in front of me is investing big amount of cash etc... (im just finding excuses to make me feel better)...
then came the 3rd surprise....
3rd surprise: Finally my turn came at long last, went into one of the counters and sat down. The same female staff that greeted me sat down and process my application. I was thinking finally i can get it over with and have my lunch (all the excitment i had in the morning was long gone). While she was processing my application, i noticed that she didnt knoe what to do with the computer, like what to key in n stuff. From that, i guessed that shes new to this job. She took my IC and trial and error on the system. What surprise me most is that her collegues were free and around her but none came up to offer help. (She didnt ask for their help though) Normally, opening an account will take probably 15mins at most but it took me more than 2 times the time needed. I just dun understand why no one came to help, i mean they are collegues rite? arent collegues suppose to help each other when they knoe shes in difficulty?
Anyway, though it took me 1 and a half hours to complete the whole new account thing, i'm kinda satisfied with the customer service i got from the female staff that greeted me and process my application ( Not because shes pretty.... coz i can see shes trying hard to do things rite)
I knoe... i knoe... i'm contradicting myself in this entire post but thats just how i feel of this whole "event" that happen to me today. And i think most people out there contradict themselves at times too... its just part and parcel of being a human being living on planet earth.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
First Post
Well, finally decided to create a blog for myself today. The reason for not creating it till now was that im just plain LAZY to write diary and find that its a hassle to maintain it. Anyway, its finally 2008 and i've decided to have a fresh new start at everything, may it be studies, attitude towards life or relationship bla bla bla...
Honestly speaking, i felt kinda weird now. I mean i feel like im talking to myself, but i guess will get used to it when i started to post more (Wonder how other bloggers feel when they first started to blog).
Ok then. This is my first post, and i dont intend to make it a long one as im blogging now in my office. Nothing fantistic happen today except that its a cloudy/rainy day again. As usual, i drag myself to work. Recently i found that i have very little motivation to go work and this feeling just gets worse and worse each working day. Various reasons like work too routine, lack of challeges or i have reached a stagnant point in my job (this is what my collegues told me, watever that means...) may consitute to this. The only thing that keeps me going is the money factor.
Hmm.. guess shall stop here for now first. Shall continue when i reach home later.
Honestly speaking, i felt kinda weird now. I mean i feel like im talking to myself, but i guess will get used to it when i started to post more (Wonder how other bloggers feel when they first started to blog).
Ok then. This is my first post, and i dont intend to make it a long one as im blogging now in my office. Nothing fantistic happen today except that its a cloudy/rainy day again. As usual, i drag myself to work. Recently i found that i have very little motivation to go work and this feeling just gets worse and worse each working day. Various reasons like work too routine, lack of challeges or i have reached a stagnant point in my job (this is what my collegues told me, watever that means...) may consitute to this. The only thing that keeps me going is the money factor.
Hmm.. guess shall stop here for now first. Shall continue when i reach home later.
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